[lead]Author Bio: Samantha Bradshaw is a rambling-enthusiast, who maintains her love of the outdoors through her current role at Hayes Garden World in Ambleside (http://www.hayesgardenworld.co.uk/).[/lead]
Dear Neighbour
There seems to be a lot of tension between us recently, so I thought that I would take the time to write to you, and set a few things straight.
Firstly, apologies for growling at you last weekend, when you walked past my sett. My family is suffering from a lot of negative press at the moment, as well as the devastating news that our home will be destroyed by the HS2 plans, so as I’m sure you can imagine, we are under a lot of stress.
Although we have been neighbours for many years, you are often alarmed when you see me. My friends tell me that this is normal neighbourly-behaviour in this area, but I am not convinced. If only you would be considerate when approaching my home, then this might relieve some of the tension between us. Stampeding towards my family, shouting and raving about TB, is naturally going to makes us frightened and defensive – we’re only badgers!
Like many of your other neighbours, we will probably avoid you the majority of the time. Unless of course your child kicks his football onto our land again – may I take this opportunity to gently remind you that our badger family and sett is protected by law, and that I cannot be held responsible for what happens to that stupid football, should this issue arise again.
Often when reconciling a neighbour, it’s a nice gesture to offer a gift or meal. However, we appreciate that our preference for earthworms might not be something that you share, so we’re always happy to share some fruit or root vegetables with you. However, please refrain from inviting us to dinner too often. Although it might seem like I’m not feeding my children, I can assure you that I am (the greedy madams are always happy to accept more food!), and I would hate for my little sproggs to become a nuisance to you or your other neighbours.
Safety is always an important issue for families, and I find that it’s often a good idea to know how to react in bad situations (however, hopefully this advice will not need to be acted upon *touch wood*) If either myself or my family appears hurt to you, then it’s important that you do not interfere. Badgers – particularly my husband – can be very stubborn, and we may see a helping hand as a threat in times of distress. Like any emergency, it’s best to call for the professionals to avoid further damage.
I find it strange that you will proudly defend your home during troubled times, but criticise me when I try to do the same: calling myself and my family “viscious”, “aggressive”, “nasty creatures”. Perhaps your cause for complain is well-founded; having encountered my children after I have dragged them out of their pits for school, I can imagine that they were not particularly friendly towards you. But rest be assured, we are a peaceful family who prefer the nocturnal hours – had you encountered one of my teenagers at 11pm, I’m sure this would have been a different story.
In response to another popular criticism regarding our “sharp claws” – whilst I admit that I am well in need of a pedicure, this does not mean that I intend to use my nails to claw your face off. Like I said, we are mostly a peaceful family, so long as you respect our privacy.
Most importantly, we just want to raise our family in the best possible environment – just like you.
I hope that we can resolve our differences, and continue to live alongside each other as neighbours. If you do ever see us from afar, please feel free to say hello (from a distance) – we won’t bite!
Many thanks
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[3c_lightbox_image title=”Mrs Betty Badger” src=”/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/badger_mg_1941alw.jpg”]
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Mrs Betty Badger
Wife of Barry Badger and mother to Bobby, Brady and Billy.
Sett 13, Woodlands, Riverside lane, Cumbria